


Never Again

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 01:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19735831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Summary: Request: @naeisha321 Hi could I ask for a smut fic for DeanxReader where he’s having that moment of loathing himself and then she just slams him into a wall and kisses him(for the first time) and then continues to worship him. And tells him how mutch she apreciates him.





	Never Again

**Author's Note:**

> Request: @naeisha321 Hi could I ask for a smut fic for DeanxReader where he’s having that moment of loathing himself and then she just slams him into a wall and kisses him(for the first time) and then continues to worship him. And tells him how mutch she apreciates him.

Watching Dean put himself down killed you. He did so much, for so many people, and never asked for anything. Day in and day out he busted his ass to save the entire world, and still saw himself as so little.

The three of you had just got back from a hunt, and a couple people didn’t make it. Dean blamed himself, which was surprising.

Walking back to your motel rooms, you grabbed Sam’s arm. “Take my room. I need to have a word with Dean.” You told him. Sam knew how much you loved Dean, saw how you looked at him, and never teased you about it.

“Yeah. I can do that.” He gave you a small smile, nodding. You handed him your room key before jogging after Dean.

He barely registered you following him in, simply focused on his self-loathing. You wrapped your arms around yourself, your eyes following him as he paced. “Dean…” You said softly. “ _Dean_!” You said a bit louder when he didn’t look at you. 

His eyes moved to meet yours. “You should go spend time with Sammy.” He told you. “I don’t want to bring you down.” Dean sighed. “I ruin everything I come in contact with.”

You saw the sadness and the hopelessness in his eyes. “Don’t, Dean. _Please_.” You pleaded. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

“Do what?” He snapped, his negative emotions all turning into anger. Not towards you, but that’s who he was aiming it at. “Tell the _truth_?” Dean yelled, hands on his hips. “Say what no one else _wants_ to?!” He asked.

“Oh, cut the shit, Dean!”

He scoffed. “What? You don’t think I don’t know what everyone thinks? I shouldn’t have come back from Hell. I should have sta–” You cut him off by grabbing him by his bloody shirt and slamming him into the wall. You lips came crashing down on his, full of love, and passion. Your eyes were closed, so you didn’t see the moment of surprise before his arms wrapped around your waist and he returned the kiss.

Pulling away, you looked up at him. “You are so dumb sometimes, Dean Winchester.” You teased. “You are one of the most _incredible_ people I have ever met.” Reaching up, you ran your hand through his short blond hair. “I have loved you for so long, and have stood by as I listened to you put yourself down, drown yourself in drink after drink, tried to fuck it away, and put yourself in danger. For what? For some way to feel less like a failure? To feel like you aren’t empty?” You asked quietly. “You are so much more than you give yourself credit for.” Your voice was gentle.

Dean looked at you, trying to find the words to say. Instead he kissed you gently, thanking you.

You took his hand and pulled him towards the bathroom. Not bothering to shut the door, you started the water up. While it heated up, you turned to Dean. You pulled his stained shirt from his body, dropping it in the sink. Your fingers gently traced his chest and arms. “You’ve died for this world, more than once, Dean.” You told him. “You’ve sacrificed your own happiness so that others can live. Don’t you think that means something?”

“How can you look at me and not see the horrible things I’ve done?” He asked you, his eyes full of worry as you pulled off your own shirt. “The people that have _died_ because of me?”

“Death happens.” You said, your fingers working on his belt. “It’s sad, and in our life, often messy and too soon. But does the death of one person cancel out the twenty others saved in the meantime? Does it mean that their families can’t be thankful their loved one comes home to them?” His belt hit the floor as you started to kick off your shoes, him pulling off his own boots. “Do you think willingly putting your life on the line day after day means nothing?”

He swallowed, his eyes trailing over your body as you unfastened his jeans. “They’re innocent. They don’t deserve to die.” His voice cracked.

You shook your head, reaching behind you to unhook your bra. “No, they don’t.” You agreed. “But, if saving them would condemn those twenty others, would you save them? Would you save one, but kill the others?”

Dean shook his head. “No.” He breathed.

Cupping his cheek, you gave him a small smile. “ _Exactly_. I’ve watched you focus on the negative, the heartbreak, and the pain for too long.” You told him. “Let me show you the good, the happy, and the pleasure. Let me show you what you mean to me.” His green eyes locked with yours, his doubt loud and clear. “If you don’t want this, I’ll grab my shirt, and I’ll go. I’ll let you clean up, and we will never speak of this again. We can pretend that this never happened.” You gave him an out, a way to walk away from you without feeling guilty. It would kill you, but you knew how to hide that by now.

“Stay.” His voice was so soft that at first you weren’t sure that you even heard him right. Dean’s hands tangled in your hair, pulling you close to him, his lips capturing yours. His kiss was desperate, needy, and full of want. His hands ran down your sides to your jeans, pulling your belt from your loops and tossing it to the side. Your lips never parted as you each worked each other out of your jeans. Finally, you both stood there in nothing but your underwear. “I’ve loved you since the day you walked into our lives.” He told you, scared, as he put his forehead against yours. “I couldn’t drag you along for the shit show that I am. I couldn’t put you through the pain I cause. I never thought that you could possibly love a fuck up like me.”

Your hand went to his neck, holding him close. “You are not a fuck up. You are not a shit show. Everyone causes pain, Dean. Pain is part of life. You’re worth any pain that comes my way, and I will gladly stand by your side through it all if you let me.”

You watched a tear roll down his cheek, Dean letting his walls down. “Stay. Always.” His voice was pleading. “Let me hold you at night when I can’t sleep, yell at me when I’m being a dick, let me make you breakfast in bed when we’re at the bunker.”

Smiling, you kissed him. “Always.” You agreed, stepping back and slipping off your underwear. Dean did the same as you stepped in the shower, wetting your hair down. The water was red against the white of the tub as it rinsed from your skin. Dean stepped in after you and you smiled at him, moving so that you could let him under the water.

While the two of you shower in almost complete silence, your hands wander over his body. There was an intimacy to it, without being sexual. You massaged his scalp while you washed and rinsed his hair. You both took your time cleaning each other, ridding your skin of the evidence of the day.

The water was starting to turn cold when you finally turned the knobs to ‘off’. Dean stepped out first, helping you out. You dried his hair, moving down to his neck, and chest. When you reached his waist, you had him turn so you could get his back. While you dried it, you massaged it the best you could, smiling at the small sighs that escaped him.

Dropping the towels, you smiled up at him before kissing him gently. “Come on, let’s get some rest.” There would be other nights for more, other nights to worship him in every way. Today you wanted to just be there for him.


End file.
